It is 1pm, I have been up for a little over an hour, and in this time I have talked to people about love, depression, the impact of white supremacy, deportation, suicide, divorce, systemic discrimination, financial insecurity, and at least 7 other topics while running back and forth to the bathroom as I wrestle with the effects of the stomach flu.
In a moment of pause between the running and the texting and the talking, I inhaled sharply and thought “look at all the things we carry”.
There’s part of me that wants to wail and weep because it feels like we’re all carrying so much but instead I’m choosing to write for life.
For my life. For their lives. For yours.
I will make time to cry for the weight of the things bearing down on me and those I love but in this moment I am consciously holding my tears at bay because I don’t want to let them obscure my vision and thwart me from expressing that someone, somewhere knows that you are carrying heavy things and you are tired.
I know that you are carrying a complex bundle of good, hard, confounding, and benign things and that there are moments where you feel so alone regardless of whether or not you have a network of support.
I know that this sense of loneliness comes with fear and anger and despair and feelings that fall across the spectrum of emotions. I know that the complicated nature of that all can feel overwhelming.
No, it is overwhelming.
I will not tell you that you will overcome all of the things or that you will conquer something because that feels trite and false to me.
I will, however, take time to acknowledge your strength because Friend, look at all the things you carry.
You may not carry them well and the things you are holding may feel like they are slipping or being juggled in your arms but you are carrying the things. Even when the things fall and you are unable to pick them up, know that there is strength in having held onto them at all.
Even though I do not have the capacity to speak to each and every one of you and journey with you as you hold the things that you hold, I do have the ability to take a few moments in the midst of my own juggling to remind you that you are seen. Maybe not on a level where I know *exactly* what it is that you’re holding but I do know that you are carrying something and sometimes hearing that someone “gets that” is enough.