Musings / My Thoughts / Poetry

Answer To The Question No One Ever Asked

pan flag heart

I’ve shared a number of things on my blog but this is, by far, the most personal. A few days ago I noted that I would be employing new language and exploring new topics in my writing…unpacking my sexual identity is a part of that. That said, I wanted the first post in this new season to speak to my journey in identifying as Queer/Pansexual. I’ll be building this out more over time but wanted to start here…

She was the answer to the question no one ever asked
5 foot something ball of impulsive energy and faith
Faith in people
Faith in God
Faith in what could be moreso than what is
I met her in North Carolina woods
A brief, barely remembered meeting in between this or that
Coming back home I saw her everywhere
And by everywhere I mean on Facebook
You know that one person
Who knows all your people
And you have to internet stalk them to figure out how that’s the case
That was her
But this uncomfortable feeling made me look away
Clicking little “x” boxes on friend suggestions because of something I couldn’t shake
Lemme tell you can’t “x” out of unexpected meetings
I found that out on the top floor of a Chicago co-op in late summer
She walked in and I wanted to run
But the inconvenience of starting a new thing meeting in a friend’s apartment is that you can’t run away from the 5 foot something girl you’ve been actively internet avoiding just because seeing her makes your heart race
A physiological response to attraction I had associated with boys
And in that moment, in that apartment
Unlike all the times I clicked tiny red boxes in upper right hand corners,
I realized that she was the answer to the question no one ever asked
Are you straight?

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