I wrote this piece a few weeks back but I’ve had a number of conversations since I ‘penned’ this that have made very clear to me that this is for so many of you who are in a place of transition. If no one else tells you this know that it’s ok to be in flux with your beliefs. We are constantly growing and learning and that means you will experience times of your thoughts being under construction. Wrestle, pause, research, pray – but above all let yourself process because it’s in this place that you work towards establishing truth.
When you get ready to live on your own, you become obsessed with how you will organize your house. You give thought to things like furniture, decor, lighting fixtures, etc. I was one of those people who lived with their family until I came to Chicago. By the time I moved out I’d developed a pretty formidable Pinterest page worth of things I wanted to get for MY home.
My home means it belongs to me. So in it being mine, I have liberty to set it up in a way that’s meaningful to me.
That’s how I feel about my theology – my understanding of faith and God – in this season but in a way that feels more profound or complex than just setting something up. I don’t just desire to decorate my theological space, I’m ready to build my own house.
See, the difference between decoration and building is pretty substantial. You can only decorate within the parameters that someone, ex. your landlord, gives you.
You can’t paint…no holes in the walls…you have to install your own carpeting. There are limits, restrictions, and requirements that you have to adhere to that feel constrictive.
That’s the thing, I’ve entered a season where I need more than what decoration allows me to do. I don’t want to adorn a place that someone has given me or allowed me to dwell in. I YEARN to sit with God and develop the blueprint of something that is uniquely mine…that I own.
For me, the beauty in building lies in knowing that outside of adhering to safety codes and legality (everything has some framework), you can do whatever you like. You can plan and take the time to pick out materials that work with your vision or needs and they can be of the finest or most efficient quality. It’s really up to you – your home will truly be what you make it.
That’s how I feel about my faith in this season. I feel it’s time to build.
I want to carefully construct something that I can inhabit and later share with others. As such, I’m pouring over the digests (read: texts) and seeing what sorts of things will make this home something I can abide in with pride. There are things I may want to incorporate from my past but other things that won’t uphold the integrity of this structure so they will be excluded.
So much is being considered but I can say without question my foundation is love and I’ve long since established that Christ is my chief cornerstone.
I’m excited to explore what materials will make up the walls of this house. What sort of doors will I choose? How will the orientation of my windows determine the amount of light my home gets and what I have the ability to see?
I’m still sorting all that out but look forward to seeing what my theological home looks like as it takes shape.