You know those days where you progressively remember more and more of what you did the night before and cringe…today was such a day. And last night was brought to you by too much alcohol and lack of good judgement and quite frankly I said and did some things that rightfully make me feel like an ass.
In common me fashion I needed to talk about it because that’s how I process and I just got off the phone with a friend and I confessed. I confessed to some of the stupid things I said or did which led to a deeper confession of what was going on with me. This friend gave me the space not only to lament on how douchey I was being but also the opportunity to talk about why I drank to the point of failing to exhibit self control or exercise good judgement.
I’ve been wrestling with personal drama and feelings of abandonment. I’ve struggled with fear and disappointment and instead of dealing with my crap I wanted to drink away my frustrations to erase the stress and pain I’ve been going through.
Surprise, surprise that didn’t work.
By coping instead of resolving I did some things I’m embarrassed by and that may have repercussions and negatively impact relationships I value.
But confession softens that blow. I still feel like an ass but talking to my friend helped because we got to the core of why I acted in an ass-like manner. Which is helping me not just say sorry but also better articulate why I was wrong.
God knows I have my fair share of issues. But I’m grateful for people who love me enough to help me confront my crap and help turn even the most embarrassing moments to ones promoting growth.
I still feel pretty stupid but I feel slightly less alone in my stupidity. For that I am thankful.